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Hurt

You give yourself to me
and then pull back -
because of the way she hurt you

close to me
and then off to some distant place
where you don't want me even to touch you

I can see the pain in your face
I can see right into the core of you
see the gaping wound -
I press my hands hard against it
to try to stop the bleeding

but sometimes
the blood seeps right through your shirt
onto the bed
all over me
until I don't know if you will ever heal

I'm certain that I love you
but I don't know where I am
do you?

(c) JH

Don't

Don't fall asleep now
I know it's Autumn for us both
but don't go now
not now we've learned to dance together
and dance so well

you feel weary
I do too
it's only natural
after all that we've been through

but please
don't go falling into the stars just yet
not now they've started to shine so bright
not now, when everything feels so exactly right
and we've got the long, long magical night
stretching out before us.

(c) JH

I Have Been Caught In Nights

I have been caught in nights
that went on forever
when my unhappiness
raced around inside my head
like some sort of
madness

you weren't bad

but you were
bad for me

with your moods
and your craziness
and your dark, dark side
that engulfed me always
in such desperate
sadness

when I finally got away

the sky – bright with stars and fireworks
people danced, so happy for me
ecstatic in their gladness
and I was heady, dizzy,
elated
at finally being free

you weren't bad

but you were oh so very
bad
for me.
(c) JH

Your Lies

With so many years peppered with clues
I wonder now why I'm so surprised
at finding out about your secret life

and I stand transfixed
as your body elongates
grows thinner
and falls to the ground

green and gold begin to shimmer
along your new form
yet you are still majestic
and I always loved you
for the colours that you were

in time
we both know
you'll shed your skin -
be laid bare for a while
but still you hiss your lies
at my mouth and ears and eyes

and you coil yourself around me tight
so tight that I can hardly breathe

you don't want me to leave

but for now
I can't do anything but remain aloof
and you can't hide
as you slither
around, above and beneath
the truth.

(c) JH

Stranded

At the start there were compliments
texts, emails, phone calls -
you reeled me in
you spoke of love
when you whispered my name

now
it's not the same
you jump back
startled
scared of your feelings

I see whole armies of you
retreating in fear
running for cover
putting up barricades

you're in too deep
way over your head
you don't have to tell me
I can hear all the words you have not said

but, for me,
it's like being stranded far from home
sitting on my suitcase
full of all those changes that I made
just to be with you

it feels like you took me to some distant place
and left me there
alone.

(c) JH
 

Driftwood

I'm too young to lay down and die
and too numb to cry
but this hurts -
this empty space
in the place
where my heart once was

people like you do harm
laden with charm
forever coming in and of people's lives
like driftwood

I should have had damage limitation
from you
so that your words
and the way you looked right into me
wouldn't matter

they wouldn't even matter
after all these years.


(c) JH

Fat Cats

Fat cats wanting more
pass a new directive down
to the workshop floor

'from now on
one man
must do the work of four'

(c) JH

Hurt

You give yourself to me
and then pull back -
because of the way she hurt you

close to me
and then off to some distant place
where you don't want me even to touch you

I can see the pain in your face
I can see right into the core of you
see the gaping wound -
I press my hands hard against it
to try to stop the bleeding

but sometimes
the blood seeps right through your shirt
onto the bed
all over me
until I don't know if you will ever heal

I'm certain that I love you
but I don't know where I am
do you?

The Guilt

The big pretence
walking on floors wafer thin
and so
I imagined dancing, whirling around
ecstatic
just as if our lives were
filled with perfect magic

my laugh
false
brittle
trailing on the wind....

us so afraid
the long sharp tongue
lashing out like a whip
the rages
bouncing off of walls and ceilings
so that the house constantly pulsed
with the threat of a storm

I thought staying
staying tethered
was the glue that held the family together

the stinging heat from a slap
the sound of the slamming door
yet still I stayed -
stealing the joy from childhood

now
grown - up children
at times,
their sad, sad eyes

and always
their search for peace
that goes unrecognised

I see the damage done.

(c) Jane Habgood All rights reserved

please follow on twitter if you like my poetry. Thank you for reading. J.

Draped In My Black Cloak Again

You wonder why
I can't hear your voice
when you call
me

you can't see
I am so small
hooded
draped in my black cloak again

with the walls and the ceiling
closing in on me
it gets so dark and frightening
here in my mind

but you want me all singing and dancing

strange -
I can be right on the edge
ready to fall off the ledge
at any moment

and you don't even know.

(c) JH

Depression

Sometimes desperate
I try to reach into that place
where you are
I try to visualize what it’s like
to be you

in your mind where all is dark
and there’s no quiet
your thoughts race and gallop
like an unbroken mare

at times like that
I've tried to meet you there
and gently lead you back

but sometimes
even I
can’t reach you

tonight I watched your back
heave with heavy sighs
I almost rubbed your shoulders
to ease the pain

instead
I went upstairs and cried.

(c) JH